i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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