I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
