While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
