He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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