when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
