I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
