literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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