I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize