I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
