Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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