Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
