I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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