I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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