I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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