Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
