Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
