somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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