Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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