I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize