strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
