he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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