i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
whose parrot is this?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
