You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
