i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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