I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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