Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
