Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
