it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
