New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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