things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
