where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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