If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
