Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize