i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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