The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
