The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
