I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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