I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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