It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your cock deserves a montage
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
