using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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