is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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