AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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