Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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