I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
