her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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