I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
