lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
