just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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