I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize