What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
