I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The beer is more important than you right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
