2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
