I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
