Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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