At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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