I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
