i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
