Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
NoShamevember. You game?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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