Apparently you make a good broom.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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