glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
