she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
