Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
