dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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