tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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