last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
