he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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