JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
