Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
